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                                     Coalition Standard Self-Defense

Lesson One

Personal self-defense has been a primary concern among most people, of all species, since at least as far back as they can remember, and possibly even longer.  Everything from guns, swords, pipes, small animals, and even fists have been employed in the defense of one's self and property, and perhaps others if you're on reasonably good terms.  You've probably seen methods of personal protection taught and utilized at your local martial arts training center, church, or even nursery school, perhaps even to great effect.

However, in today's ever expanding universe, many traditional methods are no longer practical in all situations when species of different size, shape, and general mating habits are all in the same living area at the same time.  For example, the traditional methods humans have used of employing a banana against a human attacker no longer function as well if the attacker is an alaerin.  Likewise, standard methods of alaerin ground fighting have limited effectiveness if the aggressor is a viana commanding battle ship.

Yet, despite varying degrees of application, it is important to remember that the key principles behind all forms of self-defense are just as valid today as they were yesterday and the day before, as they very well may be tomorrow, if not the day after.  As the saying goes, the quickest way to a man's heart is still through his chest, even if he's several stories tall and you need to use a longer blade, or other appropriate tool.

In today's program, we'll explain to you how these core principles behind self-defense still apply.  Further programs will go into more specific details about each of these core features, and ways you can use them in your daily life.  These core principles are awareness, preparedness, composure, initiation, creating and seizing openings, attacking vital areas, and resolving the situation in the shortest and most effective manner.  We'll explain each of these in detail.

To help us in this lesson is Bernard, a care free, pleasant mannered, and rather dashing young human male living in a fair sized, multi-specie city on a jointly colonized world.  You've probably seen humans like Bernard stumbling out of your local tavern at around two or three in the afternoon, but today Bernard is in the tavern at around that time after deciding to show up at work for at least part of the day.  We've decided to use Bernard because, if someone like Bernard can employ effective self-defense methods, we're reasonably sure you can as well.  Let's have a look, shall we?


Bernard sat at one of the human tables of the bar drinking an ale, as another human walked over to him.  "Hey, Bernie, you're still around.  Usually you're gone by now," the man said.

"Yeah, I know, but I had work today, so I felt I should go," Bernard replied.

"Oh, so you've found a job, then?" the man asked, sitting down at the table, then spoke to the bartender.  "Whatever's on tap, one pint, please."

Bernard shrugged.  "I don't know, I showed up a bit late today, so the boss might not be happy.  I tried to get there as close to eight as I could, but it's been a while since I've had to do so."

"I see, so when did you get there?"


"Hmm, I see," the man said in understanding.  "That is a bit late.  How'd he take it?"

"Not the, best, Marty, not the best, but, it might just be I don't quite fit with the job, you know?"

Marty shrugged, thanking the human bartender when his beer was provided.  "That may be.  Have you thought about looking for another job?"

"Eh, a little.  The economy's kind of slow this week, so it might be a little difficult.  I'll check the classifieds and stuff, though, see what they've got."

"That's certainly a place to start, Bernie, best of luck to you on that," Marty said, taking a drink.


The first principle is, of course, awareness.  One of the most important elements of being able to effectively conduct yourself in conflict is knowing that one is actually taking place, or could take place at any given moment, even if it's inconvenient or you'd rather be doing something else.  Being aware of your surroundings is much more than just being able to bring a beer mug to your face without missing and carry on a coherent conversation.  It also entails paying attention to things going on in addition to those you yourself are taking part in.

Having the mind to look around, listen, and use other senses in appropriate ways, thus gaining an understanding of your immediate area and all potential dangers.  It also means having the mental clarity to process what you're senses are picking up.

Right now, Bernard is implementing his ability to be aware of the situation.  Knowing his reasonable limits, he's only had four pints of beer within the last thirty minutes, thus allowing him to have a level of astuteness needed to handle what is to come.


On the far side of the room, the much larger doors opened as four chatty alaerin entered.  One was much shorter than the others, a psion, and they all seemed quite absorbed in their conversation.  "And can you believe it!  He had the mind to say that 'I' don't know how to handle men.  I mean really, who does he take me for anyway?" said one.

"Yeah, go figure," the psion said.  "I mean, you may be a little excitable, and too eager at times, but I think you know what you're doing."  The four of them moved to the far side of the bar.

"Well, believe me, I 'definitely' know.  I think he just couldn't handle me," the first continued.  "Hey, barkeep, a round of ales, please."  The alaerin bartender nodded and went about preparing them drinks.

"Maybe, you certainly have better luck with humans than I do.  I never even know what to say," said the friend on the far side.

"Oh, you and your shyness.  Just move in and snatch them up."

She looked at her a bit concerned.  "Don't we have to ask first?"

She rolled her eyes.  "Small details, really.  Once you know the gist of it, you can snag any one you want, or even more."

The fourth one laughed.  "You think so?"

"Sure, why not.  I mean, once you know what you want, you can get it easy.  That simple."

She then looked down the table top over to the other side.  "Then, how about those two humans?  Think you can one them?"

The first followed her gaze, then licked her lips.  "Oh, definitely.  Want me to?"

"Sure, let's see how you do."

Bernard then moved the beer mug away from his face and started looking around.  "Hey Marty, did you hear something?"

"Well, yes, four alaerin just walked in and … looks like they're looking this way."

He looked over his shoulder.  "Ah right, I thought so.  Heh, thought I was hearing things for a minute."


As you can see, because Bernard was practicing keen awareness, he was able to recognize changes which took place in his surrounding environment, thereby allowing him to be prepared for a range of engagements.

Preparedness is, of course, our next core principle.  Much can be said about proper preparedness, which is why we have a whole program on it.  But, being prepared isn't simply making sure your carrying your semi-automatic pistol with extended magazine, or having on the right pair of shoes.  Preparedness is also a mental attitude, in which one not only knows that an engagement will take place, but also has the will handle it.  We'll be going over various ways you too can be prepared for potential engagements.  For now, let's see how Bernard demonstrates his preparedness for the situation.


"Watch and learn, girls," said the first alaerin as she stood up and began to saunter down the long bar table toward the two humans.

Marty took a quick look and patted Bernard's shoulder.  "Hey Bernie, one of them is coming over."

"Hmm?" Bernard muttered as he drank, glancing over.  He sputtered through his drink, coughing a bit.  "Ah, cripes, I wasn't planning on this today … wait, what day is today?"  He reached over to pull the sleeve down his other arm to view his watch, but spilled the remainder of the beer in his lap, as he was still holding it.  "Thursday – ah! Dang it!"  He put the beer mug on the table and brushed off his pants with his hand.  Shaking his head he stood up and adjusted his shirt, somehow looking confident.  "Relax, Marty," he hiccupped, "I can handle this, no problem.  I've dealt with alaerin before."


One can see that by having a proper mental state to deal with danger, one is better able to handle situations that come to them.  Adding to this, it is also important to have proper composure.  How you carry yourself, the attitude you convey through your very posture, can often be the difference between a bad outcome, or a good one, or if nothing else, than at least one not so bad.

Keep in mind that, assailants target those who present themselves poorly, and visually look as though they are improperly prepared to defend themselves.  Good posture, along with a clearly aware sense and preparedness can create a great air of confidence about you, and confidence in one's self is very important to give off, even if it's entirely artificial.

Watch now how Bernard keeps good composure, presenting himself with a confident assertive attitude.


Marty looked at the approaching forty-six foot blue skinned woman approach, before his eyes darted toward Bernard's trousers.  "Hey Bernie.  Bernie!"

"Huh, yeah?" Bernard asked, and saw Marty pointing down repeatedly, and followed.  "Oh, right."  He then reached down to zip up his pant fly.  "Thanks," he said, then put his hand on the table behind him, casually leaning back and making eye contact with the alaerin, who paused for a moment, and gave a cautious smile as she neared them.


Notice how Bernard, by maintaining his composure, has demonstrated confidence in himself, and has thus already affected a potential aggressor.  These first three principles, awareness, preparedness, and composure, should all be practiced before an engagement begins.  If, however, you are caught off guard, well, then better luck next time.  Hopefully there is one.

Since Bernard has maintained the first three principles of self-defense, he is ready to initiate the next factor in self-defense, which is initiation.  Initiation is not simply initiating an engagement, but also, when initiated, can allow one to control the direction of the initial course of action, at least initially.

One can see already that Bernard is not treating this situation simply as an alaerin female wishing to catch a human's eye, no far from it.  He is perfectly aware that even simple interactions, such as saying hello, can lead to everything from an enjoyable weekend to a near death experience and life impairment.  Indeed, one should always be on guard.

Part of initiation is, of course, acting first, thus meeting on your terms.  Now, let's watch as Bernard initiates the engagement, taking the initial upper had, and further disrupting the alaerin's attack.


The alaerin looked with interest between both humans on the table, rising to about her chest level, as she opened her mouth to speak, Bernard asked, "Hey there," he hiccupped, "babe.  What's your size?"

She paused, blinking.  "My … size?"

"I mean, uh, your sizes," he corrected.

Her eyes moved back and forth, and she looked herself over.  "Ah … which sizes?"

"Oh wait, I mean your sign," he said, snapping.  "That's it, what's your sign, babe."  Marty gave a rather exasperated sigh.

One of the alaerin's eyebrows raised, and she looked confused.  "Huh?"


Did you see how, by the simple act of initiating the encounter, how Bernard has taken control of the situation?  The alaerin's plan of attack has been disrupted.  She's now left reeling, and must try to recover herself before she can attempt to get the upper hand.  Don't let an assailant's size deceive you – simply because he, she, or something else, is taller, and whose hand is much higher than your own, doesn't mean they have the upper hand.  It's simply a trick.  And don't be fooled thinking that your in a superior position because you have the height advantage.

This draws on our next principle, as Bernard realizes intuitively that this dangerous situation is far from over, which is creating and seizing openings.  Effective defense is actually offense, much as some of the best legal defenses are actually offenses.

Creating openings and seizing them can be done in many ways.  Common examples are feints, taking balance, counter-attacking, as well as removing an attacker's shirt.  There are many ways to gain an advantage, including verbal directions, which Bernard will employ among other methods.  Watch carefully as he keeps his aggressor from gaining an advantage, while assuring his own.


"Or, you know … whatever," Bernard said confidently.

The alaerin shook her head slowly.  "I … really don't get you, sorry."

"Well, don't worry.  You don't have to get me."

"Yeah, I guess you – wait a minute."  The alaerin cleared her throat and leaned forward slightly and smiling.  "Say, I was looking over here, and couldn't help but notice you two are alone."

Bernard glanced to Marty briefly.  "We're both here," he hiccupped again, "how's that alone?"

"Well it's …" the alaerin started but paused, thinking.  "It's … more alone than it could be."

"I guess your right, we could get a few more beers," Bernard said nodding.

"Hold on," she said raising her hands.  "I think you're misunderstanding me."

Bernard's eyes widened with realization.  "Oh, sorry.  Did you want a beer too?"

"Maybe later, look," she sighed.  "Do you have any idea why I'm here?"

Bernard thought momentarily.  "Drinks?" He hiccupped.  "That's why people usually come to a bar, right?"

"No, I mean right here," she insisted, pointing to the ground.

"Hmm, oh – you want us to buy you a drink.  Well, I don't know, I don't have that much money on me, and you alaerin drink a lot."

"No, I, ugh!"  The alaerin woman began rubbing her forehead in frustration.

Her friends started chuckling.  "Heh, not as easy as you think, eh?" one of them remarked.

The alaerin glanced at them over her shoulder, then resumed.  "Look, I'm trying to hit on you, okay?  You understand that?"

"Oh, um, no thanks.  I don't think I'd like to get hit, sounds painful," Bernard said, sitting down.

"No!  Hit 'on' you, not hit you.  It's different, okay?" she tried to explain.

Bernard scratched his head.  "Maybe … but I'm still getting hit it sounds like."

"I'm not going to hit you, I –" she cut herself off, then put her hands on the table as she bent her knees, lowering her head to them, then tried to smile sweetly.  "I came over here to see if you wanted a woman's company … and possibly her affection."  She batted her eyes.

"Ah," Bernard remarked, nodding his head.  "But wait … if you wanted that, why would you start by hitting them?  Doesn't make any sense."

"I said that I'm not … ugh, here, let me show you, if you don't understand …" she then reached her closest hand to grab him.

Seeing this, Bernard reacted.  "Hah, I knew it was an attack – ack!" he grunted as he fell out of his chair, then clambered to his feet.  "Take this!" He then stepped on her wrist, and started running up her arm.

"Wait – what?" she stammered, looking partly intrigued as she watched him.


In an excellent display, Bernard has created an opening in the alaerin's defenses.  Not once did he allow her to overwhelm him.  Now, having kept the advantage, and created and seized an opening, Bernard will now attack vital areas.  In this situation, while the alaerin may be much larger, even she has key areas which can be used against her, as you will see.  Remember, whether or not your attacker is large or small, man or woman, there will always be key areas which, once exposed from behind any protective coverings, can be grabbed, swatted, poked, animated, penetrated, or generally stimulated through various means, and will cause you attacker to yield, sometimes very quickly.  Other times, it may take longer if conditions aren't right and your attacker really isn't in the mood.

Now, watch closely as Bernard exploits one of the alaerin's key openings.


After nearly stumbling off, Bernard made it to her shoulder.  Quickly scanning her, he yelled, "Ya!" before grabbing her ear, and rubbing the tip.

"Hold on, what are you – oooh!" she cooed.  She at first tried to turn her head away, then changed her mind, letting him at her ear more easily.  "Wait, careful – aaahn – I'm, I'm ticklish there!"

Bernard kept petting and rubbing the tip.  "Hah, ho!  Take this! … And this, and this!"

The alaerin let out a sweet sounding moan as she sunk to her knees.  "Hey, hey, be gentle with me, aaah!"  Her friends were looking on the situation with great interest, as was Marty.

"Hah, as if, and this is for all the others you've hit!" he said with a hiccup, bounding over the back of her neck to the other side, going for the other ear.

"I didn't … I didn't hit – aaah! Oooh!" she groaned, turning her head to let him get at her ear more easily.  Her eyes closed, looking like she was very much enjoying the treatment, and her body began to wobble.  She reached back to catch herself before she fell, then slowly lowered herself onto her back.  Bernard hopped off before she was prone, then went after the ear again when she was.

The alaerin woman's hands roamed about the floor as she involuntarily wiggled and kicked her feet lightly.  Eventually she called out, "Oh … okay, give!  Give!  I give up!"

Ceasing his actions, Bernard moved away, dusting his hands off with satisfaction and a hiccup.  "Serves you right, missy.  Don't hit humans, or you'll wind up like the last alaerin I was with.  She … she …" he hiccupped again, thinking.  "I … I actually don't remember what happened, I was a bit drunk, but it'll be that!"

"Ah, oh," she said panting.  "Oh … okay, no more hitting … sure …."

"Humph," he said, with another hiccup.  "So long as you know.  And you watch yourselves too," he mentioned to the other alaerin.

"Alright … sure …" answered one, still confused by the situation.

"Well, I'm off.  See you later, Marty," Bernard said with a nod, then moved to the door of the bar confidently.

"Hey, wait," the human bartender called after him.

Turning back, Bernard asked, "Yes, what is it?"

"Are you going to pay for your drinks?"

With a smile, Bernard gave a lazy salute, lowering his hand back with a nod.  "Don't worry about it."  He then left out the human sized door.

The bartender blinked.  "What the heck?"

Several moments later, the prone alaerin sat up, hands behind her, and giggled.  "Hey, Juri, you lost on purpose, right?"

She looked smugly up to her friend.  "Lost?  Hardly.  I wanted to get some action with a human, and I got some.  Doesn't that mean we both won?"

Her friend considered this.  "I, well, I guess."

She giggled again, then moved her gaze along the table to Marty.  "How about you, little guy, you want to go a few rounds, too?"

"Ah … maybe later," he answered, turning his attention back to his beer.

"Okay, just let me know if you do," she replied.


And with that, Bernard has finished his demonstration with the last principle of self-defense, which is resolving the situation in the shortest, most effective manner.  Frequently this can be done with words alone, but sometimes situations can get out of hand and become more violent.  Fortunately, in this situation, Bernard was able to end the confrontation simply and peacefully, without any blood, tears, or other bodily fluids spilled.  If possible, you must always seek the peaceful resolution, or if nothing else, then at least let your attacker rest in peace.

To review, the basic principles once again are awareness, preparedness, composure, initiation, creating and seizing openings, attacking vital areas, and resolving the situation in the shortest and most effective manner.  In the following programs, we'll further explore these in detail, allowing you to have a safe and pleasant experience living in modern Coalition space.

If you have any questions, concerns or complaints, please write them on the form provided, and place them in the circular file near the door of the room, as well as any unwanted waste.  We wish you the best in making use of simple, yet effective self-defense in the near future.
Another piece, so soon after the last? Well, yes, actually. I may not be able to get all my shorts out this quickly, but I do wish to do more. Again, if anyone has any suggestions for things they’d like to see, particularly for the Legacy universe, leave a comment on my poll, or suggest them here. I do consider all ideas, and I’m already working on stories with some of the ideas that have been given so far.

As far as this piece goes, I would have to say that my main influence for this, aside from the generally funny situation, is a British mini-series, or whatever it is, that I’ve come across called “Look Around You.” My personal favorite episode is this one here: [link] If you can imagine the narrator’s voice from that narrating this, well, that’s the sort of effect I’m looking for.

Comments are always appreciated by the way, and I hope you enjoy. And yes, alaerin ear tips are very sensitive, allowing for a variety of uses – write that down in your copybooks now.

:iconlegacyverse: is made possible by :icondurendal5150:
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Filanwizard Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Aha so their weakness is a good ear rub! and lots of confusion.

not that my DA persona can talk about weakness and ears....

maybe ear weakness is a common trait among space elves.
zen4life Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2011
I didn't state so in the piece, as it was not in the style, but the tips of alaerin ears are very sensitive, enough to be able to detect wind directions and even small breezes. However, as can be seen, they are a bit of fun for things beyond that.
Filanwizard Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
And oh what fun one can have XD

Filan's hears are sensitive to magic fields, and well yes if rubbed well lets just say hes easy to handle during said rubbing.
SithLordNergal Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2011
*has died laughing*
zen4life Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2011
You need a defibrillator?
SithLordNergal Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2011
Yes please.
GlobFish Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2011

I don't know anything about the legacy universe, or what exactly these women are, and this is the first of your pieces that I've read.. but it was very entertaining anyway. ^^
zen4life Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2011
Thanks, I'm happy you found it a fun read. In brief, Legacy is a developing sci-fi/fantasy universe that several here on dA are working on. Group link in comment box if you're interested. If you're further interested in alaerin, here's their page on the wiki: [link]
TinyPet Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2011
WTF moment...

1) For example, the traditional methods humans have used of employing a banana against a human attacker no longer function as well if the attacker is an alaerin.

LOL moments

1) simply because he, she, or something else, is taller, and whose hand is much higher than your own, doesn't mean they have the upper hand.

2) Bernard glanced to Marty briefly. "We're both here," he hiccupped again, "how's that alone?"

All in all, I very entertaining read.
Ordo-Centurion Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2011
1. Tickling a alareen armed with a banana is better than shooting her.
TinyPet Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2011
I guess that makes sense somehow. But I still don't get the part where a banana is apparently a weapon of choice when defending against an attacker.
zen4life Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2011
Well, part of the idea is that this is an absurdist comedy piece, where not everything has to make direct sense. If its any help, often banana peels are thrown at people in comedies who then slip on them.
TinyPet Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2011
Yeah I know this is an absurdist comedy piece. Such piece are supposed to make you go WTF at one point or an other.

Quote: If its any help, often banana peels are thrown at people in comedies who then slip on them.

Yes, that is very helpful.
zen4life Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2011
Thanks, glad you liked it.
EdgedWeapon Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2011  Student Artist
XD Go for the ears!
zen4life Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2011
Yes, something like that.
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